past comes to present

when I think of you I feel doubtful of my own self, when I see you're name my heart hides, when I think of the years we were 'friends' I feel sadden by the time lost, when I think about giving you another chance I feel dumb for even entertaining the thought but then feel horrible by not, I feel you and I have grown to far apart sadly but for some reason I feel I need you still because you are all I know of a friend a best friend even when it wasn't the best it was all I knew all I still know I'm do good to anyone else and you aren't any good to me maybe that's why we belong together.

Mad at the lost of a generation era.

My parents have been going through my grandmas storage units to get raid of things that are trash and things that the rest of us want to get raid of the units. Well they have been wanting me to come out to help tell them what I would like so today I did and Dad had got mad at me for wanting things instead of just letting him throw it away or asking to see what he had just thrown away. It's like he is treating me like grandma when they first moved all her stuff into storage let her keep what they wanted too and then later got mad at themselves for throwing Antiques away later. And you know it may not be in the best condition but it still has value and meaning to some of us. It's hard to look at everything that has been gone threw and trashed away. It's hard to say yea I want it or no I don't. My grandma was a pack rat. And that has i guess been besode onto me. I have a lot of things in storage that I do not want but must keep because it was either a gift or because someone had left it to me. Some people may say you don't have to keep everything just the memories well my memory isn't great and what about Wess and the following generation I want things I can pass on and give to them from a great generation. And grandma loved her great grand baby. It just pisses me off how can I be the only one in this family left with that sense of family value or mentality. Don't get me wrong my Mom has it to a point but not like I do. And Dad he doesn't he just wants to keep what he collects or likes or has been convening for years. I guess I am to I want to keep what I have always loved, what I remember the most from child hood, what I collect, and what I know grandma loved. I just feel her things deserve a much better way of end of life than a dump or back of a goodwill drop off center. To me thats heartless, its inhuman to me. I feel that maybe a yard-sale to give it a second chance at life, sell it cheap, or give it away to others not to a goodwill where they charge an arm and leg in hopes someone will buy it or to a dump where it will just waste away like it was ester-years trash long over due for its descend. It's just heartbreaking, and I feel I'm alone in this feeling. I know Justin will not be pleased to have to find room in our storage for all things treasures but he will understand to a point. He has been great thus far.  And I know once own a home and I can use these treasures it will well worth the struggle of keeping them. I just feel like I have no ground to stand on in this matter with out Justin here to help me. It was very nice of Heather to have my side that abnormally nice and a shock for her to do that.
I know one must let go of the past to make way for the future but I think that is wrong with the future the past has been so long forgotten it's values, its morals, its pride, that everything has gone to hell in a crochet basket. I feel the future will not be wonderful until our generation looks back at the pride, the values, the morals, and the respect we had for one another family, stranger, and alike where respected until otherwise noted. They all came together in good and bad times. To help one another out. In today's life it's dog eats dog, everyone is out for them own self. It's not look out for thy neighbor it's look out for your own rear end.
I close this with this world will never come together until we go back to that generations way of thinking, that way of RESPECT. And that is what it comes down to is respect.
 

Sadness, depression, and everything in between

Well I was a month late had one of four tests positive. And then I start heavy. I have this huge emotional roller coaster that one minute I think I will be fine with enough positive thinking and bam back down in the blues and crying like a crazy lady. I think my body rejected it and gave me a big fat miscarriage instead of another precious child for Christmas. BAH HUM BUG! I am very thankful for the one I have but I feel unfulfilled with just having one I feel Its unjust to just have one and have him grow up alone. He needs a sibling. I'm to heartbroken and miserable to even finish this